Zombie Fish From Hell

Today was, interesting…

Today’s culinary class was supposed to be extra special.  We were getting fresh whole tilapia from the fish farm.  It was a rare opportunity for us to be able to break down and debone a whole fish.

First step, cut from the poop-hole to the jaw and rip out the guts.  Done with ease.

Second step, remove the scales from the fish with the back of the knife.  Easy-peasy.  And then the fish moved… and then I screamed.  And it wasn’t any subtle kind of movement, the fish literally flopped on my cutting board.  And then it moved again and again, and then I screamed, again and again.  Also, just to clarify, the fish came to us already dead.  It seemed that I had a “special” fish, an un-dead fish which continued to move even though it was already gutted.  The un-dead (zombie) fish seemed to react to the de-scaling, so I tried to use a lighter pressure so as not to displease the fish.  But it still flopped.  And it flopped when I grabbed it’s tail.  And it’s mouth would open and both the dorsal and pectoral fins would expand when light pressure was applied near the head.  And that’s when I grabbed my frying pan and whacked the zombie fish over the head a few times (to make it more un-dead??)

After de-scaling the creepy zombie fish as much as I could between intermittent fish flops and my screamings, I had to move to the next step which was to cut the membrane that held the fish’s head attached to the fish’s side.  And that’s when I saw that the heart was still in the fish’s chest cavity.  And the heart was still beating…

I am forever traumatized.



7 thoughts on “Zombie Fish From Hell

  1. That is totally traumatizing, Toni, and one of the FUNNIEST stories ever written. You are great with pen in hand, maybe more so than with knife and fish in hand. Maybe you should be a culinary journalist 🙂

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